Some Friendly Advice On Friendship

Some Friendly Advice On Friendship
John R. Petrilli

“Friendship is a sheltering tree”. This phrase came from the pen of the brilliant author Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Coleridge began to use opium to deal with the pain of rheumatism, and became addicted to the drug in his early thirties. It was a deep friendship with William Wordsworth that helped Coleridge see his way through disease, addiction, and divorce.

Like Coleridge, we all need friends who, like great green trees, shelter us through the adversities of life. The Biblical character David was no exception. God provided him with a faithful friend in the person of Jonathan, and we can observe some beneficial lessons on friendship from these two men of God.

DAVID & JONATHAN TEACH US THAT FRIENDSHIPS ARE ESSENTIAL, NOT OPTIONAL. 1 Sam. 18:1-4

A. Jonathan’s Friendship Was Essential to David Because it Provided Someone Who Truly Cared About Him.

“The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as he loved himself. And Jonathan made a covenant with David and gave him his robe, his armor, his sword, his bow, and his belt.”

The souls of these two men were knit together. Whatever concerned one concerned the other. In our day of gay activism it’s absolutely necessary to clarify that this friendship had no physical component whatsoever. It was a wholesome, genuine friendship that went deep. As you ladies are well aware, a knitted item has thousands of inches of yarn inextricably intertwined, making the item virtually inseparable. That’s how it was between David and Jonathan. Jonathan cared about his friend David, and his gift of some personal items showed, not only how much he valued David’s friendship, but also his willingness to selflessly sacrifice on David’s behalf. In ancient times it was the highest honor to be the recipient of the clothing of a king or a king’s son. Jonathan chose to bestow such an honor on his friend David.

B. Jonathan’s Friendship With David was Essential Because it Provided A Sounding Board In Times of Personal Crises. 1 Sam. 20:1

“David fled from Naioth at Ramah and went to Jonathan and asked, ‘What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to take my life’?

By way of background, David had enjoyed huge successes on the battlefield, and King Saul’s jealousy reached the point of being murderous. He repeatedly hunted David like an animal of prey, trying to eliminate him as a perceived threat to his throne. David reached a point of exasperation and sought-out Saul’s son Jonathan to air his grievances. Without Jonathan’s listening ear David may have self-destructed emotionally. But thankfully Jonathan’s listening ear and encouragement gave David the emotional, psychological, and spiritual therapy he needed to go on. Proverbs 17:17 says that, “a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for the day of adversity”. This was surely a day of adversity for David, and his friend Jonathan was right there to help see him through it.

C. Jonathan’s Friendship Was Essential Because It Was A Source Of Clarity When David’s Thinking Got Confused. 1 Sam. 20:2

“Never!” Jonathan replied. “You are not going to die! Look, my father doesn’t do
anything great or small without confiding I me. Why would he hide this from me? It is not so!”

David had already been divinely called and officially anointed to be Israel’s next King. Before David’s ascendancy to the throne, God tested Saul and found him wanting. On more than one occasion Saul proved himself unreliable and unworthy of the throne, so it was only a matter of time before David would succeed him. David’s military exploits won him the respect and adoration of all Israel. Yet in the heat of Saul’s relentless pursuit, David lost sight of his divine call to be king. He was worn down and began losing his perspective on the events around him.
He desperately needed someone to remind him of God’s call on his life, and the certainty of God’s protection of that call. He found that someone in Jonathan, who enabled David to regain a clear perspective on the outrageous things that were happening to him.

D. Jonathan’s Friendship Was Essential Because it Gave David Comfort in Times Of Trouble. 1 Sam. 20:41

“David rose from the south side of the stone, fell on his face to the ground, and bowed three times. And they kissed each other and wept together.”

As the story progresses, King Saul holds a royal dinner and David’s attendance was compulsory along with all the King’s court. David’s “no show” triggers an angry outburst from King Saul that includes an attempt to kill his own son Jonathan in a fit of rage. It’s now clear that David was no longer welcome nor safe anywhere near Saul. From this point on David and Jonathan would have to continue their friendship at a distance. In what could have been their final encounter they embraced each other and cried over the tragic developments taking place. Once again, as David finds himself in need of comfort, Jonathan is there.

DAVID & JONATHAN TEACH US THAT FRIENDSHIPS MUST BE CULTIVATED,THEY’RE NOT AUTOMATIC. 1 Sam. 19:1-3

One of the easiest ways to make friends is to extend a kindness or courtesy to someone, thereby treating them as if they were already your friend. Once the foundation of friendship has been laid, there must be a conscious effort to cultivate that friendship. The friendship between David and Jonathan reveals three ways to cultivate a friendship.

A. Friendships Are Cultivated By Having A Genuine Concern. 1 Sam.19:1-3

“Saul told his son Jonathan and all the attendants to kill David. But Jonathan was very fond of David and warned him, saying, ‘My father Saul is looking for a chance to kill you. Be on your guard tomorrow morning; go into hiding and stay there. I will go out and stand with my father in the field where you are. I will speak to him about you and will tell you what I find.’ ”

Jonathan cultivated his friendship with David by expressing concern for David’s welfare. The day came when King Saul gave his officers the directive to get rid of David. Being the son of the King, Jonathan was privy to this directive and moved swiftly to warn David. He advised David to immediately go into hiding, then set up a plan to keep David informed about Saul’s strategies to locate David.

B. Friendships Are Cultivated By Timely Assistance. 1 Sam. 20:4-7 ; 18-22

Any war veteran will tell you the priceless value of intelligence on the enemy. That was David’s greatest need as he strove to evade Saul’s relentless pursuit. Jonathan devised a very clever way to get valuable information back to David. By shooting arrows to land at various distances from David’s location, Jonathan would let David know whether or not it was safe to return to Saul’s court. The plan worked like a charm, allowing David to steer clear of the King’s bad intentions.

C. Friendships Are Cultivated By Proven Reliability. 1 Sam.20:35-42

“Jonathan said to David, ‘Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the Name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever’.”

Proverbs 18:24 says that a real friend sticks closer than a brother. David found such a friend in Jonathan. Over and over again Jonathan came through on his word. He promised to meet with David, and kept that appointment. Jonathan also kept to their agreed upon method of disclosing information that David needed to stay alive. And most importantly, Jonathan kept his promise of lifelong loyalty and friendship to David. Right up until the day Jonathan tragically died on the battlefield he always remained true to his word. The friendship between Jonathan and David stood the test of time because they could rely on each other’s word.

FINALLY, DAVID AND JONATHAN TEACH US THAT OUR FRIENDS IMPACT OUR LIVES … THEY’RE INFLUENCE IS NOT NEUTRAL.

As we come to the close of this beautiful story of godly friendship it becomes evident that each of these men influenced the other. Where would David have been without Jonathan, and vice versa? Jonathan made David a better man, and David made Jonathan a better friend. Somehow we want to believe that those we spend our time with won’t have any effect on us. But nothing could be further from the truth. Others rub-off on us in more ways than we realize. Their morals, philosophy, convictions, and character have a way of invisibly influencing us. The influence of our friends can be positive or negative. That’s why we need to exercise great care in choosing our closest friends. Psalm 1 warns us to avoiding hanging out with ungodly people, and 1 Cor. 15:33 reminds us of the harmful influence that character-deficient associations can have on us. On the flip side, our association with well-chosen friends will have positive results.

Proverbs 13:20 promises that hanging-out with wise individuals will make us wiser, and Proverbs 27:17 assures us that a godly friend will sharpen our spiritual sensitivity to God and His Word. While we can’t choose our family, we can choose our friends.

We’ve taken a look at what constitutes a great friendship. We’ve discovered that our need for genuine friendship is essential, not optional. We’ve seen through David and Jonathan how solid friendships are cultivated, not automatic. And we’ve recognized that our friends have a significant impact on our lives, and are, in this regard, are never neutral. If you have a good friend, thank God for His provision, and cultivate that blessing. If you need a friend, take a little initiative and reach out to someone else. For all you know, they might be needing a friend as well. God bless you as you enjoy your existing friendships and develop new ones as well!